“Change is easier when you selectively focus your efforts.  Trying to pull off multiple changes simultaneously is the kiss of death.” I am still trying to fight this idea but after reading the first 107 pages of the book where the author continues to nail my personality traits, habits and tendencies, I have to relent to his advice. “Do not overreach. …if for no other reason than that your attention is limited.”

“To change you must adopt an appropriate long-range perspecitve.  Speed seems important, but is not always the point.”   I can wait years to develop camera film but not want to wait a day so I spend extra for 1 hour photo.  This is also why I gravitate toward the Atkins diet, quick results.  “Emphasizing speed leaves you open to skipping vital steps.”

“Change requires that you persist even when your efforts are having no apparent effect other than disruption in your life.”  Bamboo trees sit for years and then sprout wildly and quickly.

“You cannot change the past.  Which is actually best, one less thing to do.”  This is the first day of the rest of your life.

“Chaos and setbacks are proof that you are changing.”  That point was a hard one for me though I know it is true with children.  When parents or caretakers change routines or discipline, the child will rebel even harder causing the parents to think it isn’t working.  Even watching the Nanny TV shows you see this.  The behavior exacerbates as the child is trying to enforce their will but it will almost always subside.

“The problem is not, nor ever has been or will be who you are.  The problem is always what you choose to do.”  I have noticed that even the smallest of actions outside of my normal habits feel good, though not usually good enough to continue them.

“Change requires that you become fully engaged for a period of contemplation, preparation and decisive action followed by continuing maintenance.”  That last step eludes me because the novelty usually wears off.  I like change and new things but after a while I get bored and want to move on to something else, or a new idea.

“Change is not something that happens to you; it is something that you do.”  There is a problem in here for me.  The best things that have happened to me happened to me by luck or fate it seems.  The things I pushed for rarely happened or went right.  Right or wrong this is how I see life for me.  I have received most of the things I wanted in life by waiting for them.  I don’t know how to reconcile this issue.

“Failure is necessary for learning.”  I absolutely hate to fail which is why at times I don’t try, which is addressed in the book.  Failure does feel fatal at times.  I am very guarded about my failures.

More on change later, I need to read some more.

I have wanted to break some good habits or momentum but then I think of writing in Twitter.  I write about it and it keeps me on task reminding me of what I want to do.  That is really the problem with me.  I will have a moment of clarity and strength then I will use my powers of procrastination to say, “I will do this tomorrow,” for avoidance.

Twitter keeps my goals in my mind.  I actually dreamt of using Twitter, that is how much it had excited my mind.  Out of reflex I have bought a soda during lunch and starting drinking before I remembered that I was “focusing” on my goals.  Sounds silly but I would just forget.

Even after this experiment is over, win or lose I will keep Twitter.  I have a “Monkey Mind” as they call it in Buddhism and being able to throw thoughts on to Twitter will let me organize them later.

Almost 24 hours and I am still excited.  I’m doing 90% better than I usually do with my plans.

His post was actually the impetus for this blog where I realized if I don’t change, I won’t have a retirement much less and early retirement.

So for his contest, which I don’t expect to win, I posted this in the comment section.  I come off as a whiner but this is what I feel now.  Except for plastering my picture on here and giving my full name, I will be brutally honest about my process.  Hopefully that honesty will open my eyes to make the changes I want.

Superbowl weekend was an interesting weekend to start the challenge.  I reflected a bit as I was waiting for a client.  I have been working since I was 13.

My Dad told me I could work if I kept my grades up but he said very clearly, “The day you start working, you don’t stop until you die.”  A little ominous eh?

But I have worked since then and I didn’t get to have much fun.  I sacrificed, I thought, “then” for “now”.  But “now” never materialized.  I am still working and never got ahead like I thought I would.  I eventually used work as a shield to miss social events that might be uncomfortable because I didn’t learn the social lessons most do in their teens. I learned roles at work and school, getting along better with the adults usually.  And though many say I have charisma, I feel I am just playing a role, fooling them like others.

If I were to retire now, I would spend time with family and friends.  I enjoyed the Superbowl with my Dad today and I enjoyed watching the UFC with friends yesterday.

I am in my mid 30’s and had very few close friends that I thought I could count on until now. Finally in these last few years I have relaxed a bit. I do what I can to be social but work hasn’t gotten harder and I find myself saying no more often than yes to either work or save money.

I really like to help people.  Though I feel I haven’t got my own life questions answered many come to me for my thoughts.  My day would be filled with being with friends and family laughing and enjoying our time together, possibly even helping them surmount their tough times.

And in between I would work on one of those many great ideas I have but can’t seem to find the time to do.

I have done little.

Made lots of plans, wasted a lot of paper and don’t have much to show for it. In my 30’s, feeling like I kind of wasted the last 10 or so years. Sure I have experiences and memories. But did I really even touch my potential? If I had the courage to really let anyone know how I am doing in life I would guess they would say no, if they were honest.

As a procrastinator I come up with a lot of excuses and set myself up to fail at things in such a way that I will have a perfect excuse. Clever but unproductive. So here it is-

I have 4 weeks to prove that I can change my life on a dime or in an instant.

If I don’t, I have to follow tried and true methods of long processes which honestly if I had followed any of them I would be much ahead. Think tortoise vs hare scenario.

But my belief that I could change quickly and do all of these things that I know I should gave me the false confidence that I could go on with bad (not illegal) habits but that I would change tomorrow. (Did you know that tomorrow never comes?)

I believe in myself, as a theory. I don’t believe I will actually succeed. That is some hard honesty to swallow. There are two books that I have caused me more thought in the last 9 months than any before.

Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement is a book that pinpointed me so well that I sat it on a shelf and said, “Yeah, I should do some of that some time.” Page after page it described me and like listening to a sad song I just felt bad.

It talks about high potential people who for some reason don’t achieve, well there are reasons. One thing writes about is to not do what I am trying here. Massive change quickly. If I fail, I will follow his book and admit I am wrong.

But I have never tried REALLY hard, which is a symptom he speaks about in his book. One of those things that allows be to sidestep the “Failure” label. This blog, while I have reasons to do it such as maybe if I get feedback from others it will keep me going, is a huge trap. But I feel this will be my last attempt at quick change if I fail.

Another book is The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich. Tim Ferris has done so much in his short life, length of life and results in comparison to mine, it is almost shameful. He wrote in his blog this weekend a challenge to write what you would do with the rest of your life if you retired now.

Well crap, I am so far away for so many reasons that I will write about it later.

So this blog will either be a tale of triumph or failure but either way I will know the answer to my question about changing in moment, with a decision.

-Glenn